I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
