Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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