tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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