I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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