I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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