I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
