So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
