Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
