What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
