he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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