pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
