mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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