Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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