T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
