Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
