If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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