Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
