I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
