I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
