At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
