now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
