oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
