having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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