i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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