thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
