We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
