Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
