I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
