My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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