Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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