I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
