Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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