two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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