You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
