so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
