The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
