I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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