once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
