I think I died a long time ago.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
