I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
