I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
