Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
