so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
