I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
