..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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