i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
