i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
