So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
