if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
