Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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