don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
