She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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