i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
