I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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