We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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